Haku Chronicles 3: The Meeting
by 2Face's Number 1 Fan
Summary: This is not a continuation of the other two, but is almost as funny. What happens when Haku is chosen to run one of Gato's meetings! Sorry it took so long! Rated T for crude humor and...well, it's just for mature people! Read and Review please!


_**...Haku Chronicles 3: The Meeting...**_

_**Yay! It's finally out! Sorry it took so long. I've been meaning to make this one for a very long time, but was too busy with my other series to focus on these little fun side stories. Yes, I'm a giant Haku fan. This one's a bit sillier and much more crude than the last two chronicles, but it's pretty funny in my opinion.**_

_**This one may be a bit crappy compared to my other 6 stories. I mean, I had already made this story about three months ago, but it turned out waaay too weird and I was laughing too hard at this one little quote to finish the story correctly. So now, it's redone. Oh, yeah! Just so you know, Haku is fourteen years old in this story. This chapter MAY seem a bit 'out of control' and 'not making sense' in the middle. The way it's so formally written is what makes it hilarious.**_

_**Happy Reading! I really hope you enjoy it!!**_

"Zabuza-san, I'm nervous..." Haku whimpered quietly to his master from his metal chair. "I mean, I've never ran a meeting for Gato's employees before. Wh-What if the samurai don't like me? What if Gato doesn't like my ideas?"

Zabuza shot Haku a funny look. "You hate Gato, so what's it matter to you?"

"I guess you're right..." Haku sighed.

"Quit being paranoid. You'll be fine, Haku. Just keep your cool and hurry up with addressing the 'issues in this work organization'. Nobody wants to hear you yammering for three hours, including me. It's boring." Zabuza grumbled.

"Yeah. Way to support me, Zabuza." Haku furtively glared at Zabuza, then sighed again. "C'mon, Zabuza, this is important. You have to help me here. This meeting could be a big step in our careers. Now, do you have the projector ready to represent the graphs?"

"Uh-hmm." Zabuza nodded blandly while picking at a hangnail, barely paying attention to what Haku was saying.

"Haku!!" Gato suddenly screamed out from the front-row seat in the many rows of chairs set up at his work base. Grumpy-looking samurai and rogue ninja filled the uncomfortable metal seats in the room. "I believe you requested to address some 'issues' in this work force?"

"Uh...yes! Yes, I did." Haku smiled nervously as he stood from his chair with a small folder of paper in his shaky hands.

"Alright, then. Step up to the podium and get it over with as quick as possible. I'm very hungry!" Gato demanded.

"Um...okay..." Haku said uneasily as he hurriedly walked up to the front of the work base room, standing on a small wooden podium with a projector screen set up behind him.

Two weeks before one of Gato's bimonthly meetings, Haku requested that he pointed out some problems he had with the way things were in the rogue ninja world today. More and more missions were being incompleted, and they were losing at least three employees every day. Haku had some suggestions to solve these problems, and wanted to express them in front of everyone.

He just hoped it would work. 

Haku cleared his throat and fixed the microphone. He tapped it once or twice to see if it would work. He nervously smiled at the motley crowd that sat before him. "Uh...hello. My name is Haku."

Some of the rogue ninja coughed and/or sniffed in a bored manner, and one even was cocky enough to fire back, "How wonderful."

Haku fixed the microphone again and straightened out his sash. "Um, I'm here today to address some issues that I observed during our work for the past three weeks."

"What, you got a problem with the way we work?" Zori (the young samurai with the blue hair and ski cap) called up, raising an eyebrow.

Haku wrinkled his eyebrows and held up his hands halfway. "No, no! Not the samurai in particular. All of us. I mean, our company is doing fine, but I'm just bringing in some suggestions we can use to make our work more...efficient."

Haku's ears grew hot when he heard a rogue ninja cough the word 'dork'. He flinched and glared at them. "Well, it's true! Our mission status is very low! All of us have been slacking off lately, and it's not doing neither Gato or you any good! We're not getting enough money!" He exclaimed.

Someone (probably the same person who called Haku a dork) yawned loudly, and most of the employees started to giggle. Haku desperately looked down at Zabuza for help, and Zabuza shot Haku a sarcastic grin and thumbs-up.

Haku sighed and put his hand up. "Can I _please_ have your attention? Listen, it's _so hard_ for you harebrains to pay attention to a person for more than five seconds, but we can at least make an attempt. Pull it together, people."

By this point, all of Gato's employees present at the meeting started laughing and talking with great enthusiasm, just to upset Haku.

Haku let out a low, deep growl from his throat. "Uugh...EVERYBODY SHUT UP!!" Haku finally screeched as loud as possible, his fists clenched.

That got everyone's attention. The rogue ninja and samurai turned and looked at him in surprise. Zabuza was gaping in shock, his arms crossed.

Haku blushed and scratched his head, knowing that he had just said something that was totally unlike himself. "Uh...sorry. But you guys really need to pay attention! This is important stuff!"

Everybody groaned.

Haku smiled weakly. "Come on, you guys. If you pay attention, I'm sure you'll learn that this is a _very_ interesting topic!"

One rogue ninja raised his hand. "Ooh, ooh! I've got a _real _interesting topic! Let's talk about what a big, girly punk you are!"

The whole room burst out laughing, and Haku looked deeply hurt. He held back some tears, sighed in aggravation, then continued. "I guess this would be a good time to discuss our death rates."

Everybody booed.

Haku tried his best to ignore the rude group of warriors, and looked down at one of his papers after clearing his throat once again. "The death rates and mission failures for this year have gone up alot compared to last year. Fifteen percent for rogue ninja, and thirty-two percent for samurai."

"So, what, you're saying that we suck?" A samurai asked in a threatening tone while the others glared.

Haku glared back. "That's EXACTLY what I'm saying!" He retorted cockily, fed up with the rude interruptions that were going on between his sentences. He also would never, ever say something like this, but he was too aggravated to care.

_Oous_ filled the room, and Zabuza clapped his hands together, instantly starting to crack up. Gato just nervously looked around the room, not knowing what would come out of all this.

"Go, Haku! Woo!" Zabuza laughed, pumping his fist in the air sarcastically.

"Ooh-hoh, you are _so_ gonna regret that..." The samurai growled, putting his hand on his sword.

Haku shrugged. "I know. But it'll be worth it when you all learn something from this meeting."

"Fine. We'll settle this after the meeting. You just wait till I come over there, drag you into the bathroom, and flush that pretty little head of yours down the drain!" The samurai growled, putting his sword back into it's sheath.

Haku wasn't the least bit intimidated by the threat, looked out into the audience, and continued. "Now, I think this would be a good time to start the projectory graphs."

Everybody just looked at each other.

_"Psst! Zabuza! That's your queue!" _Haku hissed over at Zabuza, who was just sitting there like a lump.

Zabuza sat up in his seat with a jolt. "Huh?! Wha-?! ...Oh. Okay." He clumsily stood from his chair and pushed his way through the rows untill he reached the front of the room, where the projector was.

Zabuza picked up his own blue folder from the podium area. The folder contained laminated projector images that Haku had requested himself. Zabuza quickly took out the images and got them ready.

Just as Zabuza was about to put the first image down (with an inaudible snicker), Haku put a hand out and stopped him. "...Wait a minute, Zabuza. It seems as though we have a problem." He said as he glared out into the group of employees.

Everybody watched in both confusion and amusement as Haku slowly walked down one of the chair isles, with a determined and solid look on his face. When he reached the end of the isle, he swiveled around in a professional manner and glared at the group. "I heard a pop from the other side of the room, and I swear it's coming from here. Who's chewing gum?"

The people sitting in the particular isle just looked at each other.

Waraji (Zori's partner) popped his gum again and glared at Haku. "So what if we have it?"

Haku whipped around and pointed at Waraji with a murderous look in his eyes. "YOU!!"

"What?" Waraji asked casually as Haku angrily approached him.

Haku held out his hand. "Give me the gum." He sounded like a fifth-grade teacher.

"Huh- what?!" Waraji almost laughed.

"Give me the gum. Spit it out and give it to me!" Haku demanded, his voice rising by the second.

"No way, punk! It's my gum, and I'm chewing it. Besides, it's not like I'm making a whole lot of noise! I can chew gum whenever I want to!" Waraji snapped.

_"NO! GIVE ME THE GOSH DANG FREAKIN' GUM!"_

"No way! I can chew gum whenever I want!"

"Not on my time, ya don't! And I don't care if you were making noises or not! It's disrespectful! Now spit out the gum!!" Haku yelled, making a guesture with his left hand to hand it over.

Waraji merely glared at him. "Fine. Take it." He spit the gum out into Haku's hand along with a lot of other saliva (which he spit on purpose just to gross Haku out). When the rest of the group saw that Waraji had heavily spit into Haku's hand on purpose, they snickered and watched to see what happened next.

Haku just looked down at his soiled open hand, now filled with nasty mouth-slime. "Lovely." He mumbled as a kinder ninja handed him a paper towel. He shook off and wiped his soaked hand off, calmly walked back up to the podium, and squirted some nearby hand sanitizer on his hand.

When Haku was finished, he sighed and turned to the projector screen and spoke in a low, quiet voice. There was no doubt that he was running out of patience already. "Okay, we're moving on. The following image will show you a line graph representing how much our mission accuracies have gone down in the past couple of years. Zabuza, please show them the graph- hey! Who shot that?!" Haku shrieked like a maniac, whipping his head wildly around as he wiped the gooey spitball from his forehead.

Another one. Haku was caught right in the eye this time. Haku cried out. He looked around wildly again, with fire in his eyes. "Aah! Who's doing that! I'm warnin' ya!" Haku screamed, picking up a broomstick and holding it over his head.

A third spitball right in the ear. A rogue ninja laughed, straw still in hand. "Ooou. Nice weapon. Are you gonna _clean up our act_?"

Haku raised an eyebrow at the corny pun, but decided not to comment on that. He just had to put a stop to the spitballing, whether it was just one rogue ninja or a bunch of them ganging up on Haku. He glared at the audience and was about to reprimand them, but another hard spitball painfully slammed into Haku's soft cheek. "OW! Shhhtop it!" Haku cried, slapping his hand to his face.

Everyone was screaming with laughter.

Haku sighed. The only way to get through this was to ignore the spitballs. He would wash his face and hands later, but for now, he was determined to get through to the people that sat before him. Every single one of them. He couldn't let the bullies get to him.

As soon as the laughter finally died down, Haku cleared his throat, his voice a bit scratchy from all of the aggravation and yelling. "Okay, uh...I guess _now_ would be a good time to start the images. _Again_." He said into the mike in an agitated tone. He turned to Zabuza, who was looking at his feet. "Zabuza, just start the images before something else happens, okay?"

Zabuza had looked kind of giggly before, but now looked uncertain. He checked the images once more and wrinkled his eyebrows. "Uh...these...these aren't the right images."

Haku glared at Zabuza. "Of course they are! I asked you to check them a million times today, and I saw you doing it! You said that they were the right images! You even smiled and looked all happy!"

"A little _too_ happy..." Zabuza mumbled, suddenly looking guilty.

"Huh?" Haku was confused.

Zabuza smiled nervously. "I don't think you want to see the images, Haku..."

"Wha- why?!" Haku cried angrily, briskly walking over and snatching the projector remote from Zabuza without looking at the papers he had. "Something you don't want me to see, huh?! You changed the images, didn't you?! You messed with my graph to make the numbers inaccurtate!"

"Not exactly..." Zabuza gulped. "Y-You're right. It was a prank and I messed with the images on the projector. Please just don't look at them. You're not gonna like them."

"Why?"

Zabuza pretended to look innocent. "Well, I sort of messed with the images because I thought they would be funny. But now that you're already aggravated, I...I changed my mind. I don't want to do the prank anymore."

Haku laughed reassuringly as he used the remote to flick on the first image so he could see what Zabuza was so afraid of. "Zabuza, I'm sure it's not _that_ bad! A little prank wont hurt me, will it-..."

The whole room gasped, and Zabuza groaned.

Everybody (now including Gato _and_ Zabuza) started to giggle and point. The giggles turned to chuckles. The chuckles turned into chortles. The chortles turned into laughs. The laughs turned into roars. And the roars eventually turned into complete hysterics.

Haku just gaped at the devistatingly embarassing image of himself, not blinking, not saying a word. "..."

"Hahahahahahhh! Forget meeting you after the meeting! This is enough revenge!!" The samurai who had picked on Haku screamed with laughter as he slapped hands with Zabuza.

_"I...tried...to...tell...you...Haku...but...you...didn't...listen!!"_ Zabuza gasped, laughing so hard he was crying.

Tears of embarassment instantly filled poor Haku's eyes. "I...that's not funny!" He cried, his face bright red. "Well...okay, maybe it is. But everybody bathes in the river! The only thing is that it was caught on camera!"

Everybody still was cracking up, and Haku began to shake with fury and embarassment.

"Uugh! That's it!" Haku screamed as he flicked another button on the projector image so it would get rid of the horrific image. When the next image came on, everybody laughed even harder, and Haku gasped and tried to cover up the image with the broomstick in a depseration move. No use.

"No! N-No! You're wrong! Th-There's nothing wrong with sleeping in the freezer and wearing comfortable pajamas!" Haku cried.

"Sure there isn't." A samurai hooted. "Footsie pajamas and teddy bears are all the rage!"

Haku was practically steaming with anger. He clutched the remote in his sweaty, shaking hands. He briskly went over to unplug the projector, but accidentally clicked on the final image while grasping the remote.

As Haku bent down to unplug the thing, he heard the loudest, most craziest laughs coming from the audience members. Haku stopped and looked over at the projector one last time with his big puppy eyes.

He stood slowly and dropped the remote, his eyes widened. _"No..."_

Zabuza saw the new expression on Haku's face and suddenly looked very uncertain and nervous. "Uh...Haku...you okay?"

The expression on Haku's face had turned from shocked and embarassed to as murderous and scary as a snake's. His eyes were a bright blue. _"You...you..."_

The room's crazed laughter eventually died down after a few more seconds, and they all turned to look at Haku's reaction to all of this. Haku was just standing in front of the screen, just staring angrily. He clutched the remote so hard that it snapped in his hand, and everybody gulped.

_"Yeah, you think that's real funny, don't you?" _Haku snarled, whipping around to face the rest of the room.

Everybody flinched.

Zabuza's eye twitched as he stood and backed away towards the rest of the people there. "Uh...Haku...just take it easy, will you?"

_"Uuurgh...I'll show YOU funny!!!" _Haku screamed, charging towards Zabuza. "This time, you've crossed the line!! I'll get you for this!!"

Zabuza would never expect Haku to ever get any type of revenge on him, but he knew that this was for real. The image shown was something that was very personal and the amount of anger Haku felt right now was probably unreal.

As soon as Haku reached Zabuza with the broomstick ready, Zabuza dodged out of the way just in time and headed for the other side of the room. Haku skidded onto the wooden floor, whipped around, and shot five senbon in his direction, as crazed as ever. _"I swear I'll get you, Zabuzaaaa! I oughtta kill you!"_

"I'm sorry, Haku!! S-Stop chasing me this instant!!" Zabuza yelped as he just barely managed to dodge out of the way.

All of the rogue ninja, samurai, and Gato quietly watched the wild chase, not even interested in the image on the projector screen (which was still showing). Zabuza chasing Haku? Now _this _was something that you didn't see every day.

"Not untill you stop running, JERK!"

"Waaah! I said I was sorry, Boy! Can't you take a joke?!" Zabuza screamed as Haku was starting to catch up with him.

Haku took off his sash, rolled it up horizantally, bent it back, and started to use it as a whip. "Taking a picture of someone sleeping in the freezer is _one_ thing, but someone on the toilet is _another_! If you think I'm gonna let that go, then you've got another thing coming, Zabuza!"

The sash slammed against Zabuza's legs, making him stumble and fall over. Haku jumped on top of Zabuza and started hitting him with the broomstick (which he had kept all along). Zabuza cried out in pain. "Ahh! C'mon, Haku! It's not like you were constipated or anything!!"

"How would you know?!" Haku screamed, hitting him again and again.

Gato's eyebrows wrinkled and he had his head on his hands. "I knew this wasn't going to work out one way or another..." He then turned to all of his toadies, who were just staring at the tussling battle partners in shock. "C'mon. We had better leave them to their business."

"Zabuza sure didn't leave Haku to his," A samurai quibbled with a giggle, along with some others. He, along with everybody else, stood up from there chairs and started to walk away, still laughing.

_"It's...not...FUNNY!!"_ Haku yelled out in fury, bringing the dusty, dirty broom onto Zabuza's head over and over again, making dust rise.

"Haku!! Stop it, right now!! You need to calm down!" Zabuza grunted, sneezing out a mouthful of dust. "You have to admit that it was funny!"

"No, it wasn't! You ruined the graph, you made me ruin the expensive projector remote, and you RUINED MY IMPORTANT MEETING!! They needed that information to motivate them for their next missions! Now all of us will turn into failures because YOUR failure to cooperate! I'll never forgive you!"

Zabuza was about to cough out another desperate reply, but a bright idea popped into his head. "...Even if I baked some _muffins_ with you?"

Haku suddenly stopped and got off of Zabuza, his eyebrows raised and a new hopeful smile on his face. That was quick. "R-Really?! You'd do that to make it up to me?!"

Zabuza hated baking and hated spending time with Haku, but hey. It was better than being beat half to death by a broomstick. He shrugged, yet having a pitiful, reluctant feeling inside of him as well. "Uh...sure."

Haku gasped as he threw aside the broomstick (which ended up flying across the room and smashing the projector in half) and beamed excitedly, hands folded across his chest in an adoring, excited manner. "Yay! I love muffins!"

"Yeah...yay..." Zabuza mumbled, sighing. He was just glad that this was all over and that Haku had temporarily forgotten how mad he was.

"Eeeekk! Yippee! Let's go!" Haku squealed in a giddy voice, grabbing Zabuza's wrist and forcefully dragging his master out of the work base door, off to the hideout to make some more comforting baked goods. "Muffins ruuule!"

_**...The End (?!)...**_

_**Okay, I know that had to be the stupidest story you have ever read. I laughed while writing this, but hey, I'm corny like that. This has to be the most crass story I'll ever make up, but don't expect it to get any more crude than that.**_

_**I know some of you also might not understand what went on in the story, between the interruptions and such. I originally got this idea from that one episode of Aqua Teen Hungerforce, where those two little pixel guys from outer space (what are their names?!) run the Villans' Meeting. I changed around the ATHF idea by a long shot, but I still thought mine was pretty funny.**_

_**Flame me if you like, but be careful, because I burn easily. In other words...try not to hurt my feelings TOO badly:) I know it was a stupid thing of me to write this, but take it as a silly joke instead of a real story if you hate it that much. I would really like it if you left a review or at least some sign of whether you liked it or not.**_

_**Thank you!! See you next chronicle!**_


End file.
